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and not since you left have the waves come

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life is so confusing. it's so hard to know what to do with the feelings you have and how to act on them - or not. i feel like sometimes i'm just disconnected to reality and it would be okay if the world went on without me. like i'm not needed. i feel like i'm out of the ordinary, the extra created just in case something else wouldn't work. the faulty one. i always fuck everything up, with no exceptions that i can think of. honestly, nothing significant has ever gone my way.

this is very cliche, but i dream of love and want it - need it - desperately. i had a taste of it over the summer, but, along with everything else in my life, disappeared after a fleeting second. just recently an old friend came back into my life. i love him as a person, and i want to keep it that way but i'm not sure what to do about it romance-wise... i fuck up romantically all the time: why should this be any different? i don't want to mess up my chances at a good friend. but i feel like i'm looking too desperately for love that i'll turn any interest into a hope for love. i hope something ends up good. :|

skinny


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